others in whose path I follow

To claim that I have the greatest capacity for self-destruction would be folly.I have sat at the feet of many people be they fictional, historical or contemporary who either far outstrip my capacity for self-destruction or who have a bit more flair. I will try to arrange my list is somewhat chronological order over a few entries. Some of the connections I draw will be bollocks... but even if I get them wrong factually, it is my interpretation of these characters that have ultimately added the depth and breadth of my capacity that I know enjoy. I will start with some people from the theatre...after all its my bread and butter...later we may find some other folks...stay tuned.

Oedipus- no matter which way your pronounce it (ed-ih-pus or eed-i-pis)brother got himself one solid capacity. Some hallmarks that make this guy a real champ.
1. He KNEW he was in for it. In my life I constantly have warning signs...some may not be quite as solid as an oracle...but some good indication to stop now. And frankly a good 'do you want all those cheetoes?' is as good as any oracle any day.
2.Minor success breeds mind shattering (if misplaced) self-confidence. Sure I have never out thought the sphinx but you get 31 eighth graders to all do the same thing at the same time ain't too shabby. Then, like my predecessor, I think I can do no wrong...and though the fallout for my hubris doesn't go quite as far as our hero's I think it is all a matter of degree.
3. overeaction. I overeact, do does Oed. OK, so I never killed my father and married my mother but I do know that blinding yourself for the offence doesn't seem off the rails. For example by degrees eating a bag of potato chips (read:big damn bag) feeling bad about it so eating ice cream is pretty much the same thing...hell, either way you go blind.

Hamlet-Though I like to think myself a little more fun-loving than our Danish friend he does seem to think a lot about ways to make things better which pretty much always makes him land on his twins.
1. Mother love. Let's get this out of the way first. Despite my last two selections for the wall of fame, and my admitted love of my mother I don't have these guys troubles. But again to acknowledge by degrees Ham-bone's actions it seems the same thing to be upset with your mom's new boyfriend and going around and stabbing people in arrases. This is just like not liking to clean so one creates a great mound of dirty clothes next to ones bed (which one (in this case) refers to as the poop deck)and looks at it affectionately and without irony as the pile...It's the same thing.

2. Bitch, bitch, bitch. So, I am pretty sure that Hamlet didn't have DSL in his dorm room but if he did, he would have a blog. There we could read all sorts of entries about 'I miss my dad, he was so great, this one time he took me fishing and let me taste beer' and 'god my mom is a pain, I wish she and my uncle would just get a room already' or ' o, that this too too solid flesh would melt, thaw and resolve itself into a dew!, or that the Everlasting had not fix'd his canon 'gainst self-slaughter! Oh God! God! How weary, stale, flat and unprofitable, Seem to me all the uses of this world!.' For one I freaking hate exclamation points so that is just overboard. But It sounds to me like hamlet would have a little blog maybe he would call it 'elsisnore' or some god-awful pun.

3. Can't find an ending. Ok, so this isn't Hamlet himself but rather the play. Shakespeare wrote about four hours worth of play and was just knackerd so he did what any guy with a big capacity for self-destruction would do and said 'screw it, just kill everybody' then when Anne Hathaway said 'honey, everybody's dead nobody will care about elsinore if nobody is there' he said 'fine, I will write a Norwegian in who will take everything' and thus Fortinbras, now there is a guy who can do a keg stand.

Helena- The first woman on my list, though my second Shakespeare creation. Helena may in fact have the largest capacity for self-destruction of any character that I am aware.

1. Pining. She is just so desperate for Demetrius that she can't stand it. She even says (of her nemesis Hermia who has beguiled the hapless Demetrius) 'Through Athens I am thought as fair as she, but what of that Demetrius thinks not so'. She is saying that I could have anybody I want...I just don't want anybody but Demetrius. This is just like my saying I want more than anything to be fit, but I am not, so lets eat!.

2. Disbelief at good fortune. Around the middle of the play Helena gets exactly what she wants...sure it is via a magic spell...but hey we all need a bit of fairy dust. Here is where you can see that her capacity for self destruction is beyond mortal ken. She doesn't believe him. He says 'O Helena, goddess, nymph, perfect, devine! To what, my love, shall I compare thine eyne?' which is EXACTLY what she wants but she replies 'O spite! O hell! I see you all are bent to set against me for your merriment' She thinks he is kidding. I recognize this, when she of the stolen bike and I were first together I asked her 75,000 times a day if she still liked me. Listen folks, if you got something good, don't provide it opportunity to reconsider.

3. Refusal to admit she is wrong. She fights (physically) Hermia not for the love of Demetrius but because she is so convinced that they are making fun of her. All of them swear they are not but it doesn't matter. It requires a magic spell cast by sprite (not the soda) to fix it all. To her credit, when magically altered she does change her tune, but come on how often does that happen here in the mundane world. I for one am convinced of my failure until the bitter, bitter end and would just about kill for good robin goodfellow to raise his magic wand and make everything all better. (not that things are wrong in the first place...Its all in my head.