Multi-tasking

Like 95% of people my age I am ADHD.
This means that at any given moment I am thinking of three things instead of one.
For example while I am writing this (and listening to music to stay focused) I am running through my next hour,what I am supposed to be doing, what I need to have prepared, etc.

This isn't much of a liability most of the time.
Actually, it is pretty handy when I need to get a lot of stuff done.
For instance, at the grocery store, when buying ingredients for something. It is often when I am buying the basil that I will remember my car payment is due. Or when looking for the right tomato I will come up with a new lesson plan.
I have no idea why that happens, but hey, it sure is nice that it does.

My condition (which you probably have too) is only a liability when it comes to interpersonal discourse with people for whom I have little to no tender feelings.

At that point I become three people with three distinct conversations happening.
They are as follows.
1. Myself: This is the only one of the personalities that speaks out loud (god willing).
2. Dennis Miller: What I wish I were saying often drippingly sarcastic and embarrassingly self aggrandizing. This is all in my head.
3. Jimminy Cricket: My conscience chastising me for thinking of such awful things and having the temerity to assume I am any better than the person to whom I am talking. This is also all in my head.

Here is a for instance that is thoroughly abstracted from a social interaction I had with someone I hold in contempt for no reason at all.

Awful Person: Hey, Mycapacity, what's up?
Me (spoken): Oh, nothing much.
Dennis (thought): I would like to set your hair on fire.
Jimminy (thought): Jesus man, she's being nice to you, grow up.

Awful Person: Brr. It's cold today.
Me (spoken): I know, good thing we have heaters,huh?
Dennis (thought): That's the best you could do? Cold? For christ's sake its cold like eight months of the year, at least you have small talk covered for 3/4 of your life you insipid little moth.
Jimminy (thought): Dude, you were just thinking about how damn cold it was.

Awful Person: Hey do you remember that time when we were at that audition and that really annoying person kept clearing his throat.
Me (spoken): Yeah, that was really distracting.
Dennis (thought): I would much rather be listening to a phlegmmy death rattle than your ignorant prattle you miserable shrew. Why don't you go somewhere and marinate in your own mediocrity.
Jimminy: As I recall, you are keeping this conversation going Mycapacity. If you don't want to talk to her, just say good bye and stop being an ass.

Awful Person: Well, we should get some coffee and catch up sometime.
Me (spoken): Yeah that would be great.
Dennis (thought): But first I have to floss with barbed wire and gargle broken class.
Jimminy (thought): You could have said no. You could just forgive her for being slightly annoying.

Awful Person: Well, I gotta run. It was great seeing you, give me your email address.
Me (spoken): Oh, sure, here it is.
Dennis (thought): No go you miserable little wretch, find some other host to suck the life force out of.
Jimminy (thought): you are a bad person, mycapacity.

Awful Person: Bye bye.
me (spoken): Bye bye
Dennis (thought): ass.
Jimminy (thought): ooh, there's a bunny.

The same thing happens in all situations. However, I am not always full of violent tendencies. Sometimes the second voice in my head is flirty, or begs for recognition. But it always happens.

Its fortunate that I have such a strongly developed capacity for self-destruction. Anybody with a lesser one might get the many voices confused and let their subtext speak the truth. The horror. The horror.