Duty's Done

6/12/06

7:55. Dammit, use the fifth avenue entrance off of south sixth street? What the hell? Is it possible that the Hennepin County Government Center is located inside a damned parking garage. I swear what freaking mesomorph intern wrote these freaking....oh...fifth street.

8:05. Wow, what a beautiful building.

8:15. What is this like three hundred and seventy people. Man, throw a few photo stations in here and we have a makeshift DMV. OK, don't look anyone in the eye, if you do they will talk to you. They are bored and we are here all day... I don't want to have to make small talk with an elementary school teacher from miniaturized for the rest of the day. Just look at your coffee. Mmmm Coffee...I wonder if there is a coffee shop in here.

8:20 *tap, tap, tap* "Hello? Hello. Uh. Hello everybody, we are going to take attendance now. If you will just make a line over here with your bar code from your summons facing up we will take care of you. After I take attendance I have to compile a list for the sheriff's office for the people who are AWOL so please do get in line."
I wonder if anybody ever goes to trial for not showing up to jury duty...that would be funny, I could blog about that.

8:35 *tap, tap, tap* "Hello? Hello. Uh. Hello everybody, I am going to show you about a twelve minute video about your service here then I will do a little orientation...so here is the video."

8:36: *cheesy intro music* Terrible actors walk on screen talking about the privations they suffer by missing work for Jury Duty, but they are cautiously optimistic. Oh, there is a friend of mine. Ooof...she is on this video that tons of people see and she doesn't say anything. Hey, this is kind of like the video on a plane. I suppose not exactly since the chance of a water landing is very low.
Oh, there she is again, ooh...she must be pissed about that face.
Oh, pay attention...right.
did she audition for this?
No, no, pay attention!
Did she make SAG scale?
Pay attention!
I think she is wearing her own clothes, that's odd.
PAY ATTENTION.
"thank you for your service"
damn, should have paid attention.

8:48 *tap, tap, tap* "Hello? Hello. Uh. Hello, everybody. Does anybody have any questions about the video?

8:52 "Uh, what is our per diem?"
"20 dollars"
*collective groan"
"and 27 cents a mile for transportation no matter how you got here"
good thing I teleported.
"Do we have to fill out a W2?"
Oh my god, try not to swallow your own tongue, try not to swallow your own tongue.
"only if you make 600 dollars here"
*collective silence as people do the math*
"Not many people are here for six weeks."
*tight giggles and looks of horror to left and right* I keep my eyes on my coffee cup.

9:00. *tap, tap, tap* "Hello? Hello. Uh. Hello. So if we call a panel just bring all of your valuables with you and the officer will lead you up for jury selection.

I know feel like a steer awaiting the cutting shoot.

10:15. *tap, tap, tap* "Hello? Hello. Uh. Hello. We are pulling a jury panel, so here we go, this is a big one, 55 of you."
*collective groan*
"OK...(reads names alphabetically...gets to the letter sequences in my name and passes it.)"
I go back to reading my novel (A Feast For Crows, George R.R. Martin) I start feeling bad about not working. I vow to get the book I need during my lunch break.

10:22: "Ok that is everybody, thank you and sit tight"
Go back to reading and trying to ignore insipid conversations around me. One makes it through.
"So, you work right here in downtown."
"Oh, yeah, right there at HCMC then."
"Oh, yeah?"
"Yeah."
"Uh, huh."
"So, where do you work then?"
"Oh me? Oh, I work down to Burnsville down there, yeah"
"Oh, yeah?"
"Yeah"
"What do you do there then?"
"Me?"
"Yeah."
"Oh, I just work with sheet metal then, you know, grinding and finishing hinges on commercial freezers and refrigerators."
"Oh, yeah?"
"Yeah"
"What do you do down there to the hospital?"
"Me?"
"Yeah."
"oh,I am a nurse in the psych ward."
"yeah?"
"Oh, yeah."
"So, All those psychos down to the ward gonna miss you there then?"
"Oh, I don't know about that."
"You work in the psych ward, eh?"
"yep"
" You must know my foreman"
"Oh, really? What's his name"

That is when I went into the business center. I actually transcribed that conversation. You can't make that crap up.

11:35: *tap, tap, tap* "Hello? Hello. Uh. Hello. We are ready to pull another jury panel."

Confident that my luck wouldn't hold out, I get all my stuff together and stand up.
I didn't get called.
I sat back down.
Heh. I am going to make it to lunch. Who knew?


2:45: *tap,tap,tap* "Hello? Hello. Uh. Hello. OK we are pulling another jury..." I get called. Sweet. Wait. Is that good or is that bad? I don't know.
Now I have to relinquish all my weapons. Those (I have been informed) include cigar cutters, nail clippers, fireworks, nail files, pepper spray, guns, knitting needles. So, my pockets lighter, I begin my ascent up the 17 floors to the chambers of a district judge.

3:00: They tell you where to sit. You need to sit there every time. Its so the principals can get to know you...wierd.

3:15: "Mr. uh... Mycapacity?"
"Yes"
"What did you think when you first got the jury duty summons?"
"Well, to say that I was excited would be overstatement."
flop sweat inducing silence.
Crap. Why do I need to entertain?
"Does jury duty cause you undo strain?"
don't try to be funny, don't try to be funny.
"nope"
Damn, I should have said 'nope, I try to eat right, exercise and stretch regularly'. That would have got them laughing...oh, wait...there is a guy in an orange jumpsuit whose life is actually affected by today's work. I am an ass.
"Do you think you could be a fair and impartial juror?"
"yes."

4:25:"Ok, today we are going to recess, be back here tomorrow at 10:00am."
but, but the jury wasn't selected...wait. wait. Ten O'clock.
Awesome.

10:15am Tuesday 6/13: "good morning ladies and gentleman we are going to continue with voir dire today. We may ask you some embarrassing or uncomfortable questions."
I work with 11-14 year olds...bring it on.

11:05: "Mr. Mycapacity. It says here that you are an actor."
"Yes. Well...I am actually a teacher. I act as part of my contract...uh...sorry, the answer to the question would be yes."
laughter
YES! Validation, I am a person. A sick person, but a person none the less.
"As an actor you understand the theatre"
"I hope so, or my students will be disappointed"
silence.
damn.
"Yes. well, as somebody who understands the theatre, do you understand the theatre of walking into the room and seeing one person wearing an orange jumper. what did that say to you?"
I so despearatly wanted to say that I thought he was joining the road company of Starlight Express but I said.
"Well, my first reaction was empathy" At that point I swear I heard the prosecutor cross my name off the jury roster.
11:50: After listening to my fellow 18 jurors answer questions that all would lead to their eventual use in a jury. Then the judge says....
"Thank you ladies and gentlemen of the jury. Right now we are going to break for lunch we will see you at 1:30."
1:45: "Alright ladies and gentlemen, right now we are going to tell you who is and who is not going to be on this jury."
I am surprisingly full of stomach butterflies.
"I am going to read off the names of the people on the jury. The rest of you report to the jury room for your next assignment."
1:50: My name is not read.
1:51: I go down to the jury room
4:20: I pee.
4:25: "...are now on 'on call' status."
what. What?
4:30: "Uh... I was in the bathroom."
"You are now on 'on call' status"
"Is there anyway I could get called this week?"
"What?"
"Could you fudge the system so that I could get called this week instead of next?"
"Uh...You're done."
"What?"
"We have enough people on call...you are done."
"I am done done?"
"Done done."
"Thank you."
"You're welcome"

4:35: I walk away from my civic duty. Am I happy? I have no idea. Man, if there was any clearer evidence for the breadth of my capacity for self destruction I think we need look no further than my desire to continue on jury duty.